In Response

Believe it or not, I'm creating this blog because when I started to respond to my niece's, I just couldn't shut up, and I wound up writing so much that I felt it was too much for a blog comment. However, being the amateur writer that I am, I was unable to edit it no matter how it ran on (an on... and on...). So here in all it's unvarnished glory is that response, and the inspiration for this blog, where I plan to occasionally comment on, critique, and respond to things I see/hear/read on the web. If I can remember to keep it updated, that is.

Okay, SO not going to get into the whole “sexual conversation” argument and open up THAT can of worms! But getting back to the original post, Zoe, all I can say (in the most dated, Valley Girl accent you can imagine) is Oh My God!! It’s as if I were on the Enterprise (pick a version) and warped into an alternate universe where my very own youthful thoughts (from approximately ages 12-16, after which I had a steady ex-husband in the making) were being repeated to me PRACTICALLY VERBATIM. Including the bit about your dad’s decisions being based on your dad’s experience… All MY dad would say was, “Stay away from Navy guys - they only want one thing!” Granted, there was a bit less intellectual argument on my part, i.e. time as man’s invention, and a bit more of: “but, it’s not fair!! ” and “I’m not a child!!” I didn’t even attempt the whole legal argument, my girlfriends and I having already figured that out, including who of our friends were likely to go to jail at any given time…

Back to the point. I can see your frustration in arguing with your dad and brother. I can tell you now, it’s a waste of breath. I can tell you a few other things from my own experience, as well. I had a couple older male friends. They even came complete with an occasional sexual conversation, but I was lucky enough never to get caught! The biggest age spread was a 19 year old guy I knew when I was only about 13. I was forced to stay away from him, too. The other guy and I remained friends, but he went on to his own life, and frankly, his girlfriends didn’t really care for a “high school kid” hanging around all the time. What Mom and Dad couldn’t do, nature took care of. It wasn’t that we were no longer friends, we just had separate lives. As a matter of fact, when he died, Mom kept it from me for months because she knew how upset I’d be, even though I was married and moved away! Anyway, all this is to say that if this guy really feels about your friendship the way you do, he’ll be around when you’re old enough to make your own decisions. In the meantime, you don’t need any ****ed off 22-year old women looking to make trouble for you because they don’t like you messing with their boyfriend!

I know this isn’t what you want to hear right now, but believe me when I say I have been in your shoes, and I can completely see it from your side. However, I have the perspective of a few more years hindsight, and I know that even if time IS man’s invention, it also follows a few rules--one of which is, no matter how relative it seems, it does pass, and before you realize it’s gone, you’ll be 18 and able to decide for yourself who you want to be friends with. You may be surprised if someday when you’re in your (cough, cough) 40’s, you aren’t wishing your parents could still make a few decisions for you (and take the responsibility for them, along with the consequences, off your shoulders).

Your mom and dad, and Alex, too, all love you. It’s just an unfortunate fact of life that a side effect of their job, that being your protection, is to make you miserable. Please don’t tell my parents I’m admitting that I know this. I still occasionally get to reap a little revenge guilt with the you-made-my-teenage-years-miserable-and-now-I’m-a-neurotic-middle-aged-woman line. Anyway, that’s my novella on the topic.